Part Letter
'91/92
Right! Me glass is full again. I’m feeling no pain whatsoever. I’ve rolled a snout. Eyes down and look in. You’ll have gathered that I’m dealing direct, me, himself, in person. Well they’ll not let me in the sanatorium to wake that boy Middlemiss, and after what happened last time, we’d best let him sleep. Besides, with numbers like I’ve got, it doesn’t make sense to spend £130 trying to improve them.
I’m going to follow the recent Middlemiss format, starting with turnover, then expenditure. Purchase of materials- forget ‘adjusted for stock’. It don’t signify, because what stock I’ve got isn’t worth a bean ‘til somebody offers to buy it. If you think it’s costing you, don’t fret. You pick up ‘contras’ later on.
There’s no point in claiming wages for Aisha because she’s done enough teaching to take her over the limit.
Subscription to the Wherry Trust- when I pay it- I haven’t been asked for it yet ‘cos the news letter’s late- editor did a bunk; result- chaos.
Bank charges- interest for business use. I don’t know how you work this out, but the banking pattern is the same every year, so we’ll take last year’s figure.
No bloody accountancy charges! And no ‘C’ notes loaned to H.M. on account of bloody accountant’s lead swinging!
Depreciation- the only depreciation that’s worrying me is my eyesight, but that boy Middlemiss must have known something I didn’t, so I’ll put some in to go towards some new spectacles.
So there you have it. I know Todd pp Foulger won’t like it. But times is hard; so what’s new? It’s the rich wot gets the prunes and it’s the poor wot gets the shits. ‘Twas ever thus.
If you need any help in giving me the help you promised me in my Taxpayers’ Charter (did they pay somebody to write that?) Don’t hesitate to ask- I’m not busy.
Regards.
---------------------------
in reply to their response to the previous letter
H.M.Inspector of Taxes 14th May ’92.
Hi, N.C.,
(well I couldn’t read the rest, and it doesn’t say if you’re a feller or what, so I’m playing safe) thank you for your prompt and gentle.
I can see why you’ve cut the sub: you’ve allowed paintings as charitable donations before, but ‘san fairy’ as my father-in-law says, with irritating regularity. I had depreciation before, but not now- p’r’aps it was the ointment- and pick up a bit on capital allowances, so by and large, on the whole, it’s a case of “deine Brot verdunken, und sagen nicht” as we used to say in the labour camp, or- “As one door shuts, another closes”- Dennis Turner, Thespian, Window-cleaner- Hillsboro’ ’65.
So, N.C., I’m with you on the revised profit, and I’ll wait to hear from you on H.M.’s divi.