“You should not antagonise the Pharisees; they could do you much harm”.
“They can only do what my Father wills that they do, Judas, like you and me”.
“That is no answer! If you set yourself a course for collision with authority, you cannot survive! How will you overcome the priests, the Sanhedrin, the Romans? They need no justification to rid themselves of a troublesome preacher. They need only a sharp blade or a piece of rope”.
“What would you have me do, Judas? Behave myself? The authority you describe has been against me since the dawn of time. I hope that you above all others will come to know my purpose. For you to fulfil your task in the light of true though painful knowledge would be, for me, bearable, at least. For you to act only in darkness would not”.
This last was said so urgently, yet strangely sorrowful, that I was much troubled, and said so.
“Judas, I have told you that it is not given to all men to know all things. Please try to remember all that I teach, all that I do. Try, please try, not to lose any of it. I see the joy in your heart when I give a man his sight. I see the pain in your eyes when you look on a deformed limb. There is much evil to undo, far more than I can meet in a mortal span. My Father’s scale of things is far wider reaching.
When you are weighed down with despair, cling to this one thought; however low you stumble, it is because God requires it of you. Even in Sheol, the sleeping dead are still his instruments, still in his hand, still in his will”.
Jesus held my gaze as he clasped my shoulder.
“Jesus, you know I love you, and my concern is for your well-being. I know, I know, you will say that your concern is to do your Father’s will, but you do know it; I do not. I can only do what you ask, and I will make that my work, in so far as I am able”.
“You have worked with the accounting of money and of goods, have you not?”
“Yes, in my father’s business”.
“Then as our band is growing, your first task will be to become our purse-holder”.
All this conversation had been by way of an aside, in private; a privacy which the others, on perceiving, had respected. Now, with this last remark, Jesus had turned our conversation back into the general domain. He went on-
“We ourselves have no need of money, but as each newcomer joins us, his resources must be turned to good use, in the feeding and clothing of women and children, and other such worthy causes, not forgetting our own temporal needs, when we travel abroad.
Now, as a purse is no good without money in it, we must look tour newest brother to start your fund”.
Here, Jesus looked at Matthew in who’s house we supped, and everyone else looked anywhere but, because although we had been received hospitably over several days, by Matthew, there had been no hint of any change in his life, yet here was Jesus, in one brief phrase, suggesting that Matthew be about to divest himself of his wealth, his position, his home, and take up the life of a wanderer.
Eventually, Matthew himself broke the silence, asking dismissively-
“What use could I be to you?”
“I do not seek to use you, Matthew”, answered Jesus, “I seek only to free you- from your bondage to the Romans, from the fear and hatred of your fellow townspeople, and I admit from the comfort of your well-appointed home”.
“Leave my home? Where would I go?”
“Where? The foxes have their holes and the birds have their nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head. Freedom is not a thing of comfort or security. Freedom is the realisation of truth, and truth can be a very unpleasant thing in part, but truth is always right. True things are always just and good. Why do we always precede scriptures with ‘Amen, amen’ and ‘Verily’? As to use, when you find the joy of freedom, that freedom which our Father gives us, the freedom of the knowledge of his love and will, when you feel that freedom raging in you, you will not rest unless you put it to use every waking moment”.
Here Jesus took up a small cake of bread, broke it and passed it among the company, saying-
“This is the last time we will share your bread, Matthew. Tomorrow you will share mine- the true bread- the word of the Father.
Then he filled a wine cup and passed it among us, saying-
“We drink from your cup for the last time, Matthew. Tomorrow you will drink from mine- the cup of love, of joy and of sorrow, but mostly of love”.
“Why must I do this thing?” asked Matthew.
“I do not say you must,” answered Jesus, “I only know that you will, whether you decide upon it now, or whether you deliberate in your mind, until dawn”.
Matthew paused deep in thought for a long, long moment, and then-
“Yes, though I know not what I go to, for all your patient words. It is the going ‘from’ that I know- am aware of. For a long time, now, I have been conscious of my sin, of using my own people to create my own comfortable life. It has borne down on my shoulders like a weight. It was light at first, a mere burden. Then as months passed into years its weight increased, until now it threatens to crush me into the dust, yet I did not know how to escape from it. You can take me away from my iniquitous way of life, but the sin of the past will remain”.
“It will NOT remain, Matthew! Your sins are FORGIVEN!”
Jesus’ voice had rung out, as though the sin were before him in hideous living form, and he were challenging it. Matthew looked up, his face taut with fear, hope, appeal. Jesus knelt where Matthew sat, took him by the shoulders, and spoke to him, quietly.
“Do not be afraid, Matthew. Your sins are forgiven. You have repented of them.
I take them from you, and you will sin no more. Your soul is without blemish, and fit for Paradise”.
Matthew put his face in his hands, and though he made no sound, his body shook with his sobs, and his tears ran through his fingers. Jesus sat by Matthew, put his arm round him in comfort, then spoke to us.
“You must remember, for you too will soon use this knowledge; I do not ask you to join me merely as observers- you must remember that sin is not a dead thing, it is not simply a mark against you in some dusty scroll. It is a living work of evil, which like all evil, is the work of the prince of hell. Sin is not isolated among these works, but grows as one tendril of a creeping vine, which if unchecked, will enmesh all of mankind.
Though Matthew knew his sin and repented of it, the despair of knowing no escape from the guilt led him to repeat his sins over and over. So you will see that despair and desolation are also evil works. Sickness and deformity, famine drought and flood, grief and sadness, insanity, the untimely death of a mother or child, these are all works of the evil one.
You will hear men cry out to God saying ‘If you are good and you love us, why did you let this or that disaster befall? These things should not be laid at God’s feet but at man’s, for it is only through man’s failure to love, to care, through man’s fear of his neighbour, greed for power and gold, it is only in the failings of men that evil finds the strength and opportunity to reek its havocs.
Your Father made you in his own image to live and be happy in his love, and if anything mars that purpose, you can be sure that it is a living part of the devil’s design to keep you from that inheritance which his Sovereign Master has promised you.
Do not underestimate the power of evil. Men dismiss a misfortune as a ‘bad thing’ and see it in isolation, not realising that it is merely one cord in a vast net of evil designed and cast to trap men’s souls and hold them forever from their rightful home in Paradise. It is like breaking off a green shoot of thistle instead of digging down into the soil and pulling up the whole root.
When I am confronted with a blind man, I do not merely restore his sight, but restore the cleanliness of his soul also. It would be simpler to tell him that I loose him from the evil works that bind him, but he understands completely when I tell him ‘you shall see again’, and ‘your sins are forgiven’ and I hope this helps him to be wary of sin, in future. His sins may or may not be responsible for the loss of his sight. That is not important. What is important is that you be on you guard against evil every moment of your lives, and that you be not deceived by its many disguises. Neither should you be afraid of evil, for fear of an enemy increases his strength and reduces your own. Though you be one man against the ranged might of the devil and all his works, with the strength of your Father’s love and your faith in him, you are invincible.