Tom Stoppard’s excellent play ‘Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern are Dead’ makes the point that Shakespeare summons up these two characters with no regard to their lives outside the scope of the play. They live just for the span of their scenes, and have no existence outside of that brief interlude. So the title of the next item is –

Ananias and Sapphira are Dead

     Luke tells us, in the ‘Acts of the Apostles’ of Ananias, a Jewish convert, sold his house and agreed with his wife to give only part of the money to the communal purse. So he goes alone; he puts the money at Peter’s feet; he says nothing. Now this is important. If we are obliged to accept every word of the Bible S God’s word- ‘God breathed’ is the favourite sound bite- then you must accept  every word not said as true too, but in the negative. So if it doesn’t say he spoke, then he didn’t speak. He simply laid down a bag of money. He didn’t even say where the money was from or what it was for.
     Peter accuses him of deceiving God. But he hadn’t spoken. He simply handed over the money. Peter points out that first the property, then the money was Ananias’s to do with as he wished-  but that is what he did- ‘as he wished’- he minded his own business- made neither apology nor excuse, then came to make a donation to the common purse, a donation which Peter decided was not enough. Peter struck death into the heart of Ananias, who fell dead at Peter’s feet. Even Jesus never did that to anyone. The most he’s accused of is cursing a fig tree.
     Now we move from the illogically unjust to the bizarrely incredible. A man has suddenly dropped dead at Peter’s feet. A mob of strangers (no names, just shovels) pick up the corpse, (in old sacks- sisal matting?) carry it off and bury it. Where? A dung heap? A patch of desert?
     The funeral process is a lot more complicated now than it was then, but even so, Peter,  knew of the widow; where there any other relatives? Do we call in a priest? What business was the theft and disposal of this corpse with known dependant(s) of these anonymous ghouls or even of Peter?
     The Jews had made an art form of funerals when we were shoving corpses up in the tree as disposable bird tables, and though no-one would be expecting a sit down/gefilte fish tea job, there must have been a few kith, as well as the kin- worth a lox-inna-bagel apiece? Slice of cheesecake, maybe?
     The Gospels tell us of the Marys going to the tomb on Sunday morning to anoint Jesus; body with oils and spices, ‘as was the custom’. Ananias didn’t even get a wipe down with a damp rag. All he got was a sack, a hole, a swift back-fill, and the body-snatchers are back on station, shovels akimbo, ready for the next stiff. It gets worse.
     When Sapphira arrives, only three hours later, (you’ve got to admire these guys- for amateurs they don’t half work fast) what does Peter have to say? Is it something sympathetic and gentle, such as-
     “My dear Sapphira, prepare yourself for a shock” or “Sapphira, come and sit by me; you must be brave at what I have to tell you”? No. Just-
     “Is that all you got for your house?
     Is this Peter? Is it the ‘On this rock I will build my church’? Is it that Peter? Sounds more like Shylock on bad- hair day. So Sapphira croaks, does she? Well I reckon she’s well off out of it. No, this isn’t an Act of an Apostle: this is an ill-conceived and very badly written piece of crude propaganda; probably a fund raising wheeze from one of the deacons feeling the pressure of distributing soup, soft toilet paper and vapour rub to the rapidly growing number of dependants.