Don’t read this letter; just give it to your boss. Now you give it to your boss. And so on.
When it reaches the man who doesn’t have boss, then he’s the guy who this letter is for.
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Sept. ’87.
In Oct/Nov ’79, my wife and I purchased a cooker- New World Super Sola11 (thro’ F. Randall & Co. Nth Walsham) which gave sterling service, on LPG, until summer ’85, when the stainless steel mesh on the grill started to disintegrate. We purchased a replacement, again thro’ Randall’s, at a cost of 60-odd notes, and now, after only two yrs, that also is suddenly approaching terminal failure, or to put it in terms which your boffins will understand, it is shot- jap-laquered- cattletrucked.
Obviously, I need a replacement (take a note to dispatch, Miss Scrumptious) and I need it yesterday. Fried bacon I can eat- it isn’t good for me, but fried cheese on toast? It could have been avoided, but that was my wife’s witty way of saying ‘You haven’t sorted out the grill, yet’.
Ever-so-slightly-less-obviously, I don’t expect to pay for it, since 2yrs service will in no way equate to 6, and if the 6 was a freak, then I don’t think much of a £60 grill that only lasts 2yrs, or to put it another way, I don’t accept that I must pay £30 a year to run a grill (possibly more, now) or as you would say of your competitors ‘if they sell it for £60 and it only lasts for 2 yrs then they should shove it, Khyber-wise’.
Now I am sure you appreciate my lack of rancour, and I am determined, at this stage, not to cu up snotty (a Norfolk term meaning to lose one’s temper- say, tear off an opponent’s leg and beat him over the head with the soggy end, or in my case to phone my uncle Alfredo Rossetti, importer of olive oil and fine coffin furniture, Chicago, Ill.., and ask him to arrange for certain parties to be involved in the foundation(s) of several civil establishments) but I hope you will not abuse my forbearance by hitting me with silly letters about guarantee periods and company policies, and giving me a load of old squit about these things happening and as one door shuts another closes; in short, I assume that I am dealing with a gentleman, and that I’m going to get a new grill, quick, free.
The only thing bothering me is what will Aisha dream up to follow fried cheese on toast?
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No luck now, but in twelve months time…………
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