Spring ‘90
Broads Authority
In reply to her letter about my new premises
Dear Sue,
Ref: 1/89/2597 and that lot
So the grant and the brown tourist signs are out of the frame. No surprise, really. Now stop worrying about the signs; they are in the best possible taste. Two of them don’t even have lettering on them- ‘tout discret’ (yer actual French). They harmonise perfectly; flowers- natural forms- Barneybees. Granted, mine are bigger than God’s, but who’s to say his wouldn’t have been bigger if he’d had the money? And anyway, when he advertised, he went big! Pillar of cloud by day, fire by night; ‘Mene mene tekel’ right up the walls of Babylon (300ft) Don’t hide your light under a burning bush- all of them.
Be assured, the signs are not proliferate- I’d chuck a bucket of water over the little buggers if they were. They are in harmony with the environment. I say that in the light of over 30yrs experience in design- architectural, structural, exterior, interior, landscape, fashion and theatrical- so if anyone tries to tell you different, you can tell them from me, they are talking thro’ the hole in their Khyber.
Regards
P.S. I noticed, at How Hill, last summer, you had a ducky little sandwich board sign on the ‘Electric eel’ moorings. Do you need planning permission for those? It could be an answer.
Copy to NNDC Planning Dept.
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Fortnight later- 23rd Jan.
NNDC Att: NF Craske
Dear NF,
So the copy of my letter to Sue Holman did have some result, even if was only to replay the age old planners’ craft of talking thro’ yesterday’s lunch. Still, it’s all part of life’s rich tapestry, I suppose.
With regard to your site inspection, having spent all day every day on site, I’m sorry you didn’t come and talk to me; could have saved some time. Lost opportunity, there, NF; definitely no Brownie points. Having read your Epistle to the Phillistines, I conclude that we are down to painted fascias, and flag signs, traditional.
I think, before I do any more drawing, it would be expeditious to meet me on site, so we can discuss, propose and counter propose, wave our arms in the air, point, gesticulate, walk up and down, look at things, circumstances, sight lines- in short, Copperfield, communicate. If you could persuade the county surveyor to come too, that could be enlightening. Let me know when you’re coming.
It’s in your court, ball-wise, NF.
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Dear NF,
As there seems to be a quiet period at Cromer, perhaps we should glance at the form, to date, starting with my delivery of my application, by hand, to your office, Dec.6th. One of your little friends was soon on the phone demanding more money, which was despatched Dec 11th, but you didn’t get to issue a receipt for the application until Dec.15th. Both cheques were presented for payment, and honoured on Dec.19th.
Five weeks later (Christmas only accounts for one) after you had received my copy of my letter to Sue Holman, you were galvanised into action, to whit- a lightning site inspection with your blonde friend from the County Surveyor’s Office (not he, himself; a little porky in there, somewhere, NF) to park for all of 5 mins. in full view of my studio window (and me) but not getting out of the car. I don’t blame you- you both seemed too busy enjoying yourselves- nothing naughty, but you were having quite a few laughs and giggles, then back to the office to write your totally underwhelming letter- the next day- Jan. 19th.
You should have received my letter by Wed.24th asking for a site meeting. Since then- ten days of silence. That is your track record, NF, and the kindest interpretation one can put on it is that it represents a golden opportunity for improvement.
Go to it, NF. I know you can do it. I’m rooting for you- Your Friend.
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Chief Planning Officer, NNDC
9th Feb.
Will you gently remind that boy, Craske, that I am still waiting for a reply to my letter of Jan 23rd and my reminder of Feb.2nd
Go raibh mile maith agat.
Do you have the Gaelic? If not, you can have that bit. It’s the only bit I’ve got. It’s not naughty- it’s nice, actually.
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Within a week, I was met on site by a new player, who’s brief appeared to be ‘Agree to everything he says, and get the file closed’. I heard no more of NF Craske.
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